Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm always down for nudity.
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