she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
