Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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