you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
