Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
