I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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