He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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