I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
