my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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