I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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