I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
