thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i dont even know how to be here
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
