No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
where are my eyebrows?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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