i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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