No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
