I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
