This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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