i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
