My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
