I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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