life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
