Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
