I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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