Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
