Swine flu. Run for my life!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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