Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
