I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
