he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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