Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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