whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You were trust falling into bushes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
