Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
