the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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