WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
