She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You smell like stripper and shame
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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