Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
