oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize