I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
