She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
