so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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