Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
