you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
