Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
