Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
