He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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