Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
