***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
