At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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