there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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