my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
