my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
