I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
tell me about the eggs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
