It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
