I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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