Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
third nipple confirmed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
