when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
