Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
