I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
