i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
