We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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