I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
