Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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