I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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