I hate your face
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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